“Please, Adam, if you’re in there, just open the door.”
I stared at the door that Clarissa stood behind. Well, I actually stared at the dresser in front of it. And the bedside table. And the desk. And the chair. There’s no way that she was going to get through it. “I’m sorry, but I’m just taking a bit of time to myself. It’s no big deal, really, just give me a couple hours to finish up what I’m doing, and then I’ll be out.” The only thing left in the guest bedroom not stacked against the door was the bed I was sitting on.
I heard Clarissa fiddle with the door knob again. “Adam, I just want to talk. Please, let me in.”
I haughtily replied, “Talking through the door seems to work just fine for you right now. In my professional opinion, I think you should keep at it.”
Clarissa began pounding on the door. “Adam, you better get your ass over here and move this shit before I do it for you!” Ah, she’s lost her patience now. I’m finally getting somewhere.
“I’m quite comfortable where I am, thank you. Looks you have a bit of “shit” to move if you want in.” Usually, I wouldn’t make remarks like that. Believe me, I’m a much more agreeable person than this may show.
The dresser shook in front of the door. I pressed myself against it and pushed it back. It took me much less effort to move it into place than it did her to move it out. Briskly, I walked back to the bed. Now, it was just a waiting game. That’s always how it ends up. Every time.
“Adam, you piece of shit, let me in!” Oh. I’m the piece of shit. Understood.
“Clarissa, Clarissa. I don’t believe that is very assertive way to make a statement.” I had to remain calm. I needed to keep control of the situation.
“I’ll assert your fucking face to the wall if you don’t shut the fuck up!” Clarissa screamed through the door. I sighed.
“Clarissa, look. We tried talking. It didn’t work. That’s why I’ve barricaded myself into this room. If you really care as much as you say you do, just let me be. I’ll be off to college soon enough, then I’ll be out of your hair. It’s easy.” I knew the compromise wouldn’t work. I had already tried it.
“You selfish asshole! That’s all that matters to you! That’s all that has ever mattered to you! You’re the fucking worst thing that I’ve ever had to live with!” the door shook, and everything in front of it was displaced ever so slightly, “Fuck you!”
She had never berated me before. I honestly felt bad. I wanted to try and solve the problems, but these kind of fixes take time. She wanted them done in moments. We didn’t have moments. We barely even had days. “Clarissa, I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to change. I’ve been trying to solve my problems. I just can’t do it right now. I need a better environment, maybe a couple of epiphanies. I… I just need time.”
The door took another pound. I don’t think she was trying to get in so much as just intimidate me. Intimidation won’t work.
“You’re fucking worthless, Adam! You hear me! You’re a goddamn coward who can’t face his problems!” I put my head in my hands. Maybe she was right. Maybe I am just a piece of shit. Do I deserve everything she’s throwing at me right now?
The door shook again. Everything in front of it rumbled around a bit as well. Still, her attacks held no results. “Adam, I let you into my home, I’m going to make you obey me! I’m in charge here, and you’re just a shitty little nobody! Get your shit together and fix this situation right fucking now!”
I held my head a little tighter. She was right. This was her house. I was supposed to follow her rules. I was just some nobody using someone else’s resources. I was terrible.
The door rumbled once more. Everything else stayed in basically the same place. “You got nothing to say, Adam? Huh? Did the smart guy finally learn his fucking place? Did the genius behind the door learn to shut the fuck up? Eh? Have you finally fucking learned something?” Clarissa bore the words as if she had wanted to say them since the first day she met me.
I slipped off the bed, my head still in my palms. I sat on my knees, and moved my hands over my face. What else could I say? “I don’t deserve this.”
“What’s that? You finally got something-” the door rattled in its frame- “to say?”
I stood up. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this.” I grabbed the chair from the barricade, and threw it at the wall opposite of the door. “I DON’T DESERVE THIS, CLARISSA!” I shoved the desk away from the barricade, then shoved the dresser. It fell on its side, and I kicked it out of the way of the door. I tore the door open.
Clarissa wasn’t standing at the door. She was standing at the other end of the hallway. I marched forward. I turned down the stairs before Clarissa. I forced my way to my room, and threw everything I owned into two bags: a duffel bag and a regular backpack. I stormed out of the house, Clarissa yelling behind me that I could come back, and that this didn’t mean I wasn’t welcome.
I sent my words to her as loudly as I could, “I’m never coming back!” I turned back around, and pulled my phone out of my pocket. Its clock said 6:16. I unlocked it, and went on to make a phone call.
“Hey, Adam, what do you need?” Chris picked up quickly.
“I’m going to need to stay at your place until college starts for me. My aunt just spent the last ten minutes or so screaming and swearing at me. She told me that I’m nothing a couple times over. It’s so infuriating. First, she promises that she’s going to help me, and not even days later begins telling me I’m the worst thing she’s ever encountered.”
Chris cut in before I could speak more. “I’m going to pick you up. Just walk to the park, and I’ll be there in a few minutes if there aren’t any cops on the way. You can tell me more in person.” He ended the call.
I let my hand slide away from the side of my head. I looked at it blankly for a few more steps. I put it back in my pocket
I kept walking forward. The park seemed like a good place to meet up.
What had gone so wrong between us that made our whole relationship fall apart this quickly?